i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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