i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
