smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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