Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
