I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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