my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
