his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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