i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
