just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
