No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
