What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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