I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
