I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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