she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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