During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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