Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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