I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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