Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
