ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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