ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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