Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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