ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
