is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
