So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Who died my cat blue again?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
