Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
