i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
