YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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