idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
