when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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