Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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