he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
