hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
