The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
