I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
