this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
