dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
