It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
