WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
