I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
