Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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