Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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