I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
