i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
