First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
