FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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