martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
