why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
