she looked like the before picture.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
