i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
