right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
