I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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