OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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