I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
