The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
