I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
