i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
