I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
