i don't like sucking hair
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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