We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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