I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
