I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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