I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
