I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
