he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
not ubering you a puppy
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
