Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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