We're like a lot better than the average bears
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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