At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
