I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
