I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
