he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
