Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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