Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
